It’s funny to admit it here, but I am not a real fan of the dating formula.  This is how the equation works, you’re asked “out,” you dress up, so does your date, neither one of you is yourself for the remainder of the night and the date is so distracting that you cannot have fun at whatever you’re doing.   You both spend the entire evening acting out a scene that – if it were in a cinema or a television show – is so ‘formulaic’ you would never watch in real life.

My preference is to date people who do not fit that criteria.  Best dates ever – “hey, there’s this volunteer thing going on…”  Or, “I’ve got this thing I’ve got to go to for work…”  “Hey, I’ve got to drive to Nashville to pick up a regulator for my SCUBA tank, want to come?” – Was my best personal date ever.  What I loved about these dates was that I was asked out on them as the person just really enjoyed my company and felt that if I were with them, whatever they were doing would be more fun.

These kinds of dates can be disastrous, so be careful about saying, “yes.”  This should ideally be with someone that you also feel makes any task more enjoyable.  These are big, “turn a friend into something more” chances.  However, there is nothing more romantic than being out at some event – like a volunteer opportunity – and having the guy who’s interested in you getting you coffee, checking in how you’re doing, etc.  If they make it obvious that both of you are there “together” it’s a fantastic feeling, much more romantic than flowers and candy and a trip to an Opera you didn’t have any interest in any way.

This date can be a lot of fun because it gives each of you something to do.  You have time to be together as well as to enjoy that before all the pressure of “tell me about yourself.”  And, if the date goes well, you can always take a well-needed stop at a coffee shop afterward to learn about each other.

These after date coffees additionally may assist you in getting through the pattern which may sound the same after going on several dates with several various individuals.   You will have both just had a shared experience.  Talking through it – what you each found funny or irritating or inspiring. This will definitely give you some idea about whether or not you share a similar view onto the world.

It is also really helpful to pass this preference along to friends who try to set you up.  It acts like a pre-screener.  If you like environmental organizations and the “set up” date won’t meet you at an Earth Day volunteer booth”you may already have all the information you required without having to suffer through a date.

And, at the end, I enjoy having memories which aren’t from a jewelry advertisement or a card.  I am me, and I want my love life to be unique – not a cookie-cutter version of what everyone else thinks the dating formula should add up to.

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Do you get nervous on your first date? Do you stand staring at your wardrobe wondering what to wear or what he would like to see you wear? Worried if your hair looks too shabby, your shoes don’t match, your make up is not perfect etc? Well, you are definitely not the only one going through this phase.

You don’t want your first date to feel exactly like a super-important work interview because that puts the pressure on about looking a certain way and saying the right words. There are times when all you can think about is what he is thinking about. Do you think he was impressed? Is he thinking of not calling you on a second date? Is he regretting this date?

It does not have to be so stressful. The sole reason for a date is to meet and get to know a man. Now, whether you end up marrying him one day is not what you should be worried about at that time. To ensure a lovely evening, try the following tips.

When deciding what to wear, it is important to choose something that you are comfortable with and not what your date would choose for you. You should pick something appropriate for the place that you are going to. You should choose something to wear that is classy and comfortable, while making sure that it something that you carry well. Don’t let yourself fidget and fix yourself every moment; curb the restless energy.

You need to be original, but not so much that it annoys! It is usually good to be original no matter where you end up because you will be respected, however, this is not what should be don on the first date. The inner dirty little secrets need not be revealed the very first time you meet someone. At the same time, make sure you do not lie and mislead him.

Talk about everyday issues, his likes, his dislikes, etc. To find out more about your date. When he asks you something about yourself, be honest and open. If your date is divorced or has other personal problems, it is a good idea not to ask too many personal questions the first time you are out with them. That could make him feel as if there’s nowhere to go. When in a conversation with another person, it is important to listen to them. If you are the kind of person that only likes to speak a lot, you will need to make the effort needed to listen to what he wants to talk about also.

Going on that very first date is always special, because it is a “once in a lifetime” experience that you will never get back. The memory of your first date always has a special place in your heart and it is something you would want to talk about when you are out with your friends, or when out on other dates after that. It does not have to be like a job interview or an examination. Have fun, be cool and focus on all the good in the person that you can learn to love as time passes.

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